Sunday, April 20th, 2008
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10:11 pm - the fractured poetry of the years gone by
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underneath the powerlines seeking shade
&;inabreath: there's been travels(longhotsummers), sixtysecondromances, endings rewritten, old habits rekindled & the most steady of resolves splintered, nights unremembered, lines crossed & the grandest of plans neglected.
&;now, there is my brandnew talldark&handsome crushlover (!)
(because magnificent things only ever happen when you don't expect them to)
exuding the most disarming (unnerving) charm
playing house, playing settled, playing content:
an unfamiliar pace i've never quite mastered before (...)
you bemuse me just as much as you exhilarate me.
(this story cannot possibly end well)
but - boy, you have the most achingly disarming eyes.
you say you want to stay by my side/darling, your head's not right...
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Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
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2:28 am - the mindnumbing futility
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[POSTCARD.]
&an unrelated 30 second inkspill-
enveloping regrets~
the paperthin judgments of moments abandoned
the what-ifs, the if-onlys, "it could have been so different..."
headoverheart (or was it heartoverhead?)
swiftwordslostwordsemptywords&HEARTfalls
the inevitable, the enlightening & occasionally the beautiful
mistakes that linger - even, especially,
the blinding inconsequentialities you don't (can't) let go;
wasting new chapters on old pages.
oh, you're smarter than this...
(this journal is still semilocked -- there will be words&photos&stories of the weeks&months slipped past. i have been spending hours catching up on everybody, but so much has disappeared [prince & princesses, entries, my own photographs]...i've missed you so.♥)
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Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
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12:12 am - identity
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"maybe the past is like an anchor holding you back
maybe you have to let go of who you were, to become WHOYOUWILLBE."
OHMY, i don't even know howwhere to start.
(a lullaby of
resounding farewells and
frail conclusions.)
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Friday, April 28th, 2006
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2:06 am - soon
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oh - i remember this.
it's chilling how everything - yet nothing - has changed.
♥
(yes. soon.)
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Saturday, March 19th, 2005
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11:17 pm - the world at large.
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&
we brushed by, fading carousels-
slipping fingers (of) familiar strangers
yourtaste daring karma upon me.
[yesterday/never/happened]
"but all i've ever learnt from love- was how to shoot somebody that outdrew you...."
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Sunday, August 1st, 2004
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7:35 pm - old photographs
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NOSTALGIA IS A SEDUCTIVE LIAR.
~george ball.
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Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
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1:24 pm - haunt/pacify
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"in everything i do, i find traces of you."
&;
simultaneously haunted & pacified
by the electricty we once shared.
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Saturday, June 19th, 2004
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11:44 pm - a silent suspension;
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conflict_
you / and i
believe / pretend
implode / explode
passion / logic
always / maybe
together / apart.
.
.
.
an impossible yesterday.
(this is home.)
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Sunday, May 16th, 2004
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5:38 pm - may04:stumbling upon scenery [oursunburntcountry]
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LOVERS//three seconds til you're
gone again.autumn melancholy of
our quickening heartbeats-pulsing
chemical reactions;&(losingbreath)
elusive glances[idareyou]STAY,LOVE
oh-'CAUSE (i am so bad for you)
___THISCOULDBEPERFECT.♥♥</b></i>
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Friday, April 23rd, 2004
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6:34 pm - you're the same mystery as four months passed, begging to be unlocked.
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Saturday, January 10th, 2004
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1:52 pm - watching you fade
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Friday, December 26th, 2003
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7:50 pm - flipflop(fairy?)doll
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(BUSY!)summerdays...
i hope you had a fabulous christmas//new colours(!)//iloveyou all.
current music: caught in the undertone
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Thursday, December 11th, 2003
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11:11 pm - bubble toes
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one cannot live their life
without passion&affection
and no matter how much
you know it might turn around
and break your heart into pieces
never deny yourself
(what you truly deserve.)
♥&♥&♥&♥
current mood: and you still have
current music: all of me (my immortal.)
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Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
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6:33 pm - two thousand miles from here
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&;
i watch him incessantly play with his adorable curls, and tease him when he insists on buying me lattes and feeding me lollipops. i smile at his lighter with his name tattooed frantically all over it, despite my dislike of cigarette smoke. we fight over which season captures our hearts the most, and i pretend to be angry when he makes me stumble with big words. i adore the way we sit in cafes and make plans to escape with the wind in our hair and passion in tact. devastatingly mysterious summer eyes - he teaches me that we are all more than we seem to be. (&ohmy; he is adorable).
&;
me and my girls snuck into a pristine hotel pool today & lazed around poolsides acting like as if we knew what we were doing and argued with the obstinate barbecque. ( we're just little stumbling around in high heels & that's all we'll ever be ). we watch the days fade into each other & know that "this is the life." we fall in love and buy silver bracelets for each other with a loveheart missing and we'll engrave our initials as our way of hanging onto all these years defined by the perfectly idle summer days we spent.
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Monday, December 8th, 2003
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6:40 pm
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I LIVE FOR SUMMER (&i need no reminding)
sunsoaked coffee shops [the world through aviator lenses] until the click of another glass & watch the fade into a delicate intoxication ("screw inhibitions, baby doll.") tasting delicious scandal, to the irresistable rhythm of summer nights & the anthems of thatverymoment. hiptohip grind & disarming eyes & toomanynames to remember. sparkling butterflies leaving their invisible trace through another kiss on the cheek ("oops, i missed. ! !! !"). we only spell our goodbyes through rear view mirrors_______live,live,live. (regretless, and loving it.)
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Sunday, December 7th, 2003
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11:26 am - (whole world addicted to drama)
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(wednesday night // very,very messy )...houses of delicate cards falling victim to slick, fast (&drunken) passion. spinning friendships with those you ignored four years straight & saying everything you never could before. sparking (fist!) fights between boys [ 'my' boy & an adorabubble new more-than-friend ]. a distinct aftertaste of dejavu. emotional exhaustion. (too too much alcohol)
thinking&thinking&thinking
(about things that happened
when we weren't thinking)
(&last night) crazy crazy crazy. (if you just keep moving fast&fast&fast [ maybe you won't have to think ] )
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Sunday, November 30th, 2003
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6:56 pm - sunsoaked lust
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(rushrushrush[i need to sleep]) electric & fast,fast,fast weeks that leave fairyprincesses starstruck&spinning. (this was one of those.)
&last night (ohmy__), almostHOTsummernights . midnight p o o l p a r t y (!). STARLIGHT. sneaking kisses underwater (it's always like this) & splashes & two-am-swims & strangescary pool "objects" ["i think it's taking advantage of me"]. &then snuggling with another someone [you didn't expect] (sneaking sugar hearts again.) i made you watch your promises crumble before you. but oh, you are special&i can taste your butterflies (i don't bite). ("....i'm sorry"//"no-don't be.")
current mood: evading
current music: it's as simple as something that nobody knows
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Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
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7:46 pm - (don't be naive-- it's o n l y a matter of TIME)
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(dolled up in stick-on stars & starshaped earrings & angelic wings / oct03)
a forbidden luxury; sugarspun half-sentences in a language spelt by l♥vers spinning through galaxies laced in lust. [lovers/lips/lock] . . .. a craving:an addiction - helplesslovelost. "love like you've never been hurt before" [he stares into your eyes // as if they have never lied to him before] (hearts__skipabeat!)
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Saturday, November 15th, 2003
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6:30 pm - garden fairycakes
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( +4 )
no words lately; just pictures.
oh;____ {because tests are addictive.} THIS says- i am apparently 82% borderline ("Shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness."); 74% histrionic ("Often displays excessive emotionality&attention seeking in various contexts.Tends to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.") & 70% narcisstic ("Has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.") [most of the "dramatic personality disorders"]
current mood: hothothot
current music: tonic-you wanted more.
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Monday, November 10th, 2003
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4:26 pm - whimsical sunsets that spell magic
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what's ironic is that my last posts' topic was "beautiful skies."
&this is what i managed to capture this gorgeous idle evening;
a sweeping whimsical sky of fairy tales
( & sunsets never fail to amaze me )
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cascadingstar's journal
